And then comes the time...

...When paranoia sets in.


And i hate it. On the one hand he says he misses me, that im his special gurl and is ever so sweet but sometimes he just doesn't reply. When i was drunk i sent him 3 messages that went unanswered naturally because he was asleep and he'll usually text the next day. But no such luck. That was Wednesday night, it's now Friday afternoon and i've sent another text with no answer. After going 2.5 months texting or talking each day i am going fiiking crazy!!! And i know it's just paranoia.

But really - does he see my messages and just put his phone back down? Is he ignoring me purposfully???? Is he ok? Is he just tired? Has he lost his phone? WHY THE RUDDY FIIK ISNT HE REPLYING???????!!!!!!!!

But what i'm most annoyed about is the extent to which it affects me. Why am i askng myself all these questions?! Im lucky enough to have him as it is. Why do i let it bother me so when it always (hopefully) turns out ok and he is really lovely to me?

It's just a great big gaping fear that he doesn't want me anymore. And then i think. OK, is that so bad as to having me feel like this? Why can't i sleep when this thought comes into my head and my stomach lurches? I'm fine when i'm single, and i know that. So why the near panic attacks when there is but a minute suggestion that he maybe is reconsidering things?

As my longest post in a while, you can probably tell that i'm going slightly insane but hopefully the next post will set things straight and i just had to get this off my chest! No matter how deluded i sound!!!!