Circles

Does it ever feel to you like you're life is going round in complete circles?
I find myself, working too much again, despairing about my oh so awkward love life but at the same time enjoying myself!
Well hopefully the New Year will bring a new spin on things...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

My Titanic

So, just 10 solid days ago, i wrote my last post "Men - who needs them?" And today, on this very day, i have been unexpectedly swept of my feet.

Last Friday i'm in the pub and i see a bloke i used to work with, i turn around and he says "Fucking Hell!" - what a reaction!

And i start work again on the Tuesday, and we swap numbers, needless to say i thought nothing of it.

And then he starts texting me...and i think hmmm...actually, i quite like this bloke.

So im working and can feel his presence through the entire 2 open rooms, my mind escapes and feelings all come flooding in.

On Monday we kissed...
On Wednesday he asked me out...
On Thursday we went out...
Today we went out...

And it makes life feel, meaningful.

But, here is the thing:

Him and me are like Jack and Rose from the Titanic! He comes from an entirely different society than me, and i reckon that's one of the reasons i like him so. He's my Joe. I'm his Lou.

:D

And yes, part of my brain is saying, no lou, don't do this again...it'll end up like last time because we live 209miles apart...and another part is saying - he adores you, just let it be.

And so, i shall, however the consequences, let it be.

The Conclusion of Today: Men - who needs them?

There comes a point in every woman's life, when she realises, how incredibly ignorant she has been on a certain topic. And believe it or not, this topis is men. Boys, blokes, guys, twazzocks, bastards, the male species, all the same really. Not only do they do harm, but they do harm unintentionally, so they can't even be put right. And no, i am not saying that women are a better species, as an arogant, self-centred man would believe from me writing this. No, i am saying that men are dumb. Friends, boyfriend's, Ex's. The lot.

How did the revelation occur?

- Well, an inkling occured about a week ago, when my mate Silver believed that i fancied him and when Tin changed his story about what had happened, i got fairly annoyed.
- However, it was mostly the conclusion of today. My Ex came to see me. We broke up about 9 months ago. 9 bloody months. But the relationship was brilliant. We were in love with each other. Well, at least i was in love with him. But the torrents of the North Atlantic Ocean, tore our love apart. And i didn't see the boy for 6 months. I moved on...got a new boyfriend, and so did he. But just before he left he promised me friendship, he promised me a bond like that could never cease. And he lied. Since he got back 3 months ago, i've seen him twice, both at my work. He sent me a week late birthday e-mail. And, when i see him all i get is insults. Would the bloke give it a rest???!!! Worst of all, he has all this talk about him breaking up with me - but noo it was a mutual agreement from the start to break up when he moved to S. A. He took the piss out of me for crying about him leaving - when he cried too! And he laughed. He laughed at me for loving him. The anger that swells in me, from him acting like this is crazy, yet the more i try to be friends, the more anger that eats me up. The arogant tosser still thinks i like him!
My love, i'll have you know, died in South America. I sometimes miss him, but know that what we had, will last within me for the rest of time. Jackass, on the other hand, can go rot in hell for all i care anymore. And to be honest, i don't even think that is harsh.

*breathe*

Yet, i was thinking the other day, how i don't feel i need a man in my life right now. I'm happy. And I'm happy being me, just me. :) Why do we need men anyway? I've got a great abundance of friends, a happy lifestyle and a world which is my oyster. I like being free. And until, as i'm sure will come, the day when i need a man arrives, i am content just the way i am.

And here's a message to every man: Sentivity is not for gays.

Its just...this.

Why is doing nothing really exhausting? I've got so much on this Christmas, mainly work, so i need to get in all the relaxing i can. But, i slept practically the whole of yesturday, yet today i just want to sleep even more. :s Grrrrrr...

It's not 18:00 hours and it feels like it should be midnight. Plus, I've run out of muse. I've got nothing to that feel i should say, nothing that i feel i should do...

It's just...this.

An Observation

Has anyone pressed the "next blog" link?
What do you discover?

There are "groups" of bloggers aren't there?
You get "the depressed" - write about your innermost, emotional feelings, it will not help, but its something to do.
And "the ranters" - Write needless shit.
Then "the mothers" - Upload a million pictures of your kids. And write about your family.
And "the adverts" - Go out of your way to get people to CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME!
Then "the reviewers" - Find something, write about how crap/good it is.
You get "the sex addicts" - well, you know what i mean.
And "the genuinely funny" - Pick a subject, write humorously.
Then "opinionated" - Pick a subject, review a subject, tell everyone your opinion on that subject, emphasise it.

I think thats about all originality covered?

Yes, i've caught the bloggers addiction again...

To be brutally honest we're all in charge of our emotions aren't we? If it takes but a day for us to like someone, should it not take but a day to take those feelings away? I've never come across these feelings in life before. And, ehrlich gesagt, its not half as bad as it seems from the outside. Does that mean that i don't actually care? It's vey dam confusing.

All i know, is that i will now take charge and kill all thoughts i have of him. There's just some things in life you can't have. There's just some things in life you only want because you can't have them. That's quite a bad thing i suppose.

And then it dawns. I don't want him. Of course i don't! I just (:s) want him to want me. Ach! That's quite a bad thing i know. I realise that if he turned around and told me he liked me i would say no. He isn't what i want, he's what i can't have.

Oh Dog, i'm a bitch.

3 Months and a whole new life later...

It's been around 3 months and my life has completely changed. Completely.
I'm now happily single, 12 great new friends, new address, new routine, new Hockey Club, new diet, new clothes, new bank account, new perspective upon life.
I'm really enjoying Uni now. Ok, so there were a few glitches, but nothing too bad. And we've just planned a house for next year and it's nearly Christmas again. Love it. Not forgeting the fact that Heroes second series is on. Woop Woop! That should make any person happy.

A few troublesome thoughts though. I may have accidentally fallen in love with one of my best friends. Still too early to tell though. Trying my hardest to not like him. It's hard when you kiss them every other week!! I didn't mean to, honest! Don't worry though, i'm perfectly happy staying friends and finding someone else. I just hope that stays true!

But it's back home in 2 days, back home to the old life, old friends, old times...